Single and Self-Lovin It

SINGLE AND SELF-LOVIN’ IT

BY: #STUKGIRL STEPH

Most of us are well versed in the assorted brands of single. “Single and thottin and boppin.”  “Single and kinda casually dating.” Nothing worse than S.I.N.G.L.E: Sadly, I’m Not Getting Laid/Love. Ever.

An all too familiar agony; dm’s, text messages and call log dryer than a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and it feels like your hotline ain’t blinged since So Far Gone. Nothing but family, friends and work as far as the finger can scroll. And the only time someone asks for your number is at the grocery store checkout so you can get $3 off that bottle of wine.

Some of them involve settling for “good enough” while “much better” is everybody else’s journey. Others require a bit more self-love and introspection than we might be comfortable with, but they actually get us as close to a 90’s rom-com as we’ll ever get.

BE AWARE OF YOUR APPETITE

When we crave fulfillment in any form, we ask ourselves, “Out of all my available options, what would best satisfy my appetite?”

Humans crave intimacy, though there are people who go decades without a relationship, a date, not even a random holiday hook-up with an ex. However, those of us who need regular servings of bae protein have to keep it real with ourselves and our needs.

But before we go indulging in those “Hey stranger” and “You don’t love me anymore *sad face emoji*” texts, it’s best to do a little check-in and make sure our appetites are in line with what we need this “sustenance” to do for us. We know we can’t be single for too too long, but… is it time to take on a full-fledged relationship? A hearty Thanksgiving plate’s worth of commitment and functions with “future in-laws”?

Or would a quick snack (or few snacks) be a better fit? Maybe go get cafe au Laid. Enjoy a couple scoops of mango sorBae here and there, just enough to take the edge off while the weight from that last courtship falls away.

THE RELATIONSHIP RECIPE

According to recent studies, 25% of us have a better chance at getting run over by a horse-drawn pumpkin at 12:01am than finding a ball to our chain. Our generation as a whole isn’t hard up for marriage, and not trying to have four divorces under our belts before we finally meet the proverbial One.

And it may take a while. So, in the meantime, it would behoove us to get ourselves in alignment with exactly what we want in a partner.

Looking for someone who likes to travel? Maybe plan some day and weekend trips. Musicians turn you on? Find intimate live music events to go to. Not saying go throw your drawers on the stage, or have a one-night stand on that tropical getaway.

By cultivating within ourselves the traits we want our ideal partner to have, we put out an energy that’ll attract someone who at least compliments our desires.

So focusing on what’s best for us means attracting more of it, in more ways than one. At the very least you’ll be happy with a thriving social life by the time someone does come around.

WINE, DINE AND BE FINE

We all know that before marriage was Westernized into the pinnacle of love and self-worth, it was merely a way for man to secure the bag in terms of land and built-in labor, i.e. a wife, her family’s money and a couple kids.

Somewhere around the middle end of the Enlightenment Period, people began exercising their right to wealth and personal happiness. Then came the Industrial Age, which (theoretically) meant jobs for one and all, so people finally started marrying for love instead of security.

Taking our time to find someone who’s better than good-enough, somebody we don’t have to “learn to love”, because it’s already hard enough to learn to love ourselves properly, let alone someone else.

FACT: No one’s guaranteed a fairy tale love story that ends happily ever after. The only love we really need is love for ourselves; to be a whole ass person who only attracts whole ass people. There’s nothing wrong with being single as long as there’s purpose and openness involved, it doesn’t need to be a John Hughes movie all the time.