Breaking Generational Trauma: How to Become an Artist with a Family Full of Doubters
Hey STUK Community!
This has honestly been a topic that has been on my mind for years. I feel like I haven’t addressed it, not for personal embarrassment, but due to how embarrassed I was by how others treated me. I am so sick of playing this “prefect family” role society makes us play. Most of us do not have that and I refuse to be ashamed of authenticity. So, lets talk:
In the self love community it is said that we teach others HOW to treat us. So for many years I was ashamed to speak on the emotional abuse I endured within my immediate family and friendship groups. I think we also have to remember how deeply conditioned individuals are, especially black people in America, due to the mental conditioning directly linked to slavery. If you aren’t yet awakened in self love then it’s easy to blindly and unconsciously play out these patterns; which is the only way I can explain my family blocking my success. My last art hiatus was caused by my family. I don’t want to have another so I must speak my mind.
I am an astrology lover and in astrology I am a Mars in Cancer zodiac placement (if you know you know) but your Mars placement is your action. Your method of operation. Being that my placement is in Cancer; the divine mother, I am supposed to flow in soft feminine awareness utilizing my high priestesses spiritual intuition. Instead I was born into a family of wolves. Wolves that often prey on my own happiness and joy, as that is what my art is an embodiment of and represents.
Now, I am sure you are thinking - well it’s not uncommon for artists to complain about family support. It’s not uncommon for black women to have endured family trauma. Yet, its one thing to have an unsupported family, but it’s quite another to have a family that preys on your success and inner love flow.
I come from an emotionally unsupportive family with means. They have every means available; every contact, resource & connection I require to succeed. They supported my brother through law school -jobless. They would even offered him in-family jobs. But when I do art as my job they act as if that isn’t real. They showed me none of the same support. They have only been kind to me when I have suffered the abuse of 9-5 jobs they forced me to enslave myself in.
This is not a knock to any 9-5 grind, but it is to say that it ain’t for me. It’s not my job. And it’s toxic for me to pretend as if that is my path. When it came to me evolving as an artist and Nonprofit founder my family has every contact and resource available to support me to if they actually wanted - but most of the time, they choose not to. Every time I lift a project up out of despair or pick myself up from the pain of their incessant emotional abuse, they aim to drag me down further. They cannot stand my joy.
Whether it’s campaigning for my Nonprofit, working on my art, launching a podcast, launching a Self Love Shop, Launching NFTs, or a Youtube Channel they pretend to completely ignore everything I work on. My mother “ignored” my Nonprofit then recently created her own, saying I couldn’t get involved. She then hired another black woman my exact age and gets a high growing her own Nonprofit as she watches mine struggle and says nothing.
The excuse is that they have “given me everything”. Everything I am is because of them they like to remind me. Everything material. But what does that matter if the inside is hollow? What do all the riches in the world mean if the support is fake and the love is conditional? My elitist family attaches value to how much money each person has. They belittle people who have none. They also belittle mental health care and spirituality.
They have disdain for every aspect of what I am. I have always been bullied by my family. They when I do these things in joy and they see it on social media, they stalk my pages and begin to emotionally tear me down. Even when I block them, which I do - it continues because they will gossip to my friends and everyone they know about me. They talk behind my back and tell stories about who and what I am. They have brutally character assassinated me for years.
People love to talk about me but tend to be terrified to actually talk TO me. Probably because they know I see them. I can tell what inauthenticity is because I came from a household full of it. I know when people are talking shit because my family has talked shit about me my entire life. I can tell when people aren’t walking in their truth because I have come from a family that never has.
A few years before the pandemic, when my loving Gemini grandpa died, who was my ONLY sense of unconditional love and support - my family turned on me. My Grandpa, Abba, protected me. He supported me. He taught me art. He clearly saw the ways in which my family treated me; hated my joy and would break me down when they saw me in joy. So growing up, he gave me everything and anything I wanted. I think in some ways he taught me self love. Only because of him do I know I CAN DO, BE and HAVE ALL things. He was a pure soul. I know he is now my guardian angel.
Before a lot of therapy, I had so many gaps in my memory, because I blocked out how bad the emotional abuse actually was growing up. I have always had to hide my joy from my family or they well find it and take it away somehow.
It’s like they seek, search and look where I find the most joy, go to that source and taint it. For example, my brother did this with my group of friends. He started hanging out with the 2nd family I had created for myself - FAR away from my real family. He tarnished my name, character and reputation and with it the credibility of my art businesses.
My family loves to spread ill rumors that I have mental health issues when I run a global Nonprofit that exists to help heal the worlds mental health while giving girls of color protection within the art world I never had. Them not supporting me isn’t even the worse part. I think what’s FAR worse is that they lie about supporting me to my face and slander my name behind my back.
As a mental health advocate do you know what that does to my credibility? They socially outcasted me to hide their truth and simultaneously take away my power. I am obsessed with mental health care because I have always had to protect myself from a family that does not take mental health seriously.
I had to take responsibility for my own mental health because they never would. I can’t count how many self help books I have read since the age of 15. At 13 I had to BEG for therapy after my parents divorce. I had to heal my own depression through art, self love, books, teachers, courses, meditation, spirituality, and more! I constantly work on myself. I work on myself every single day and am obsessed with inner work and inner growth. I like to show up as the highest version of myself every single day!
This blog is a 14 year old testament to that. So the fact that my family will not stop shading me and breaking me down even now at I’m at the highest point of a career I have had to climb myself up to - is truly deplorable.
I have been harassed by my family for months, and more brutally when announcing my solo art show.
Since no one in my life has ever stood up for me before - I am forced to stand up for myself. How can any artist create without authentic support? It’s impossible. I love family. I have a very close connection to my cousins who have nothing to do with this. I even love my family as much as they spew distain back at me.
But I am DONE with this chapter of abuse. Because my family emotionally abused me for so many years and still does… my jobs, circumstances, relationships have all reflected that same abuse. They will never acknowledge it and continue to put up this cookie cutter external view of a “perfect family” never owning up to the fact that this family targets, harasses and emotionally tortures one individual artist. So while I don’t even want to write this - I have to.
I should be celebrating my biggest accomplishment of planning for the BIGGEST (and 3rd) solo art show of my career. But I have been protecting myself and battling my family for months now. When announcing the show via social media my mother said “allegedly you have an art show” continuing the on-going false narrative that I am a liar, and my father tried to put in my head and my little sisters head that my paintings don’t sell. That is not even true. I have sold many many paintings; by the grace of God. My fathers white girlfriend also lied on my name with my brother. They love talking about me together. And she wouldn’t let me see my own sister for over 2 years. White lies. So yea I think my mental health would have to be intact to deal with such disorder.
And on top of all that… for over 2 years my art collection has been locked in storage due to family. My mother arranged that during COVID behind my back. My Art stuff was stuck in LA and I was in the Bay and no one would help me for 2 years. I recently recovered it.
But you know what the good part of all this is? That my eyes are finally open and that I am no longer afraid to speak out against this abuse, because I know other black women and other artists go through the same and in voicing something - you learn we are never really alone. And happily the humor in all of this is… lol that they all thought I didn’t know; friends and family alike. Since the beginning I’ve been observing them ALL in silence. I’ve been watching how they move and switch up. When they tune out you home in.
So anyway, that was a long story and you can tune into my Podcast to hear all about this in more detail, but sometimes I need to write things off my chest and this was just that.
If you dig my art, all I would really ask is that you support it, support my Patreon, my art shop, Self Love Shop, Podcast, Vlog, Nonprofit and more! I have put so many digital resources our to help the collective heal and to safeguard you all against feelings of betrayal, depression, alonesness and more.
In all of this it has really made me walk my talk on another level. It has taken my artwork and self love to another level. Due to my family coming for me during an actual world pandemic it made me truly realize how much art DOES save lives and self love heals! Self love also saves lives and art heals!
Thank you for allowing me to share STUK community and thank you for all the love & support you have been showing me! I truly appreciate it!
Love,
B
#PROTECTBLACKWOMEN
STOP ARTIST ABUSE - ACT NOW!