Maneuvering Shady Girls Through Self Love
Wade Through The Shade
“Competition is truly an illusion and thus a waste of time, but so many women are afflicted with such tendencies. I believe there is room for everyone.”
As a women’s rights, self love and mental health advocate I feel called to speak out about this supremely outdated behavior of women. I’ve always deal with situations through self love, but there comes a point when mistreatment needs to be addressed or it will continue. As a society we have this pattern of sweeping things under the rug, knowing that there is so much shade under the carpet - people just keep going. I believe that communication through whatever outlet is healing.
The sheer disrespect I have received from girls (ex friends) in my life is truly unbelievable. So unbelievable in fact that that it has called me to create this blog post in order to insure this sort of behavior is never allowed again and in hopes that you reading this can feel empowered to stand up for yourselves in similar situations.
As someone who grew up going to an all girls high school I never knew girl drama was a thing until I got to college. I believe in kindness and am definitely a recovering over-giver & over-lover. In the past I would introduce girls to my family, group of friends, offer them STUK goodies/my art for free and so on. I gave to no end and didn’t fully put myself first. As I grew, I learned boundaries. But these boundaries were also disrespected over and over again by women. The last woman ended up showing up at my home unannounced with my brother (she hooked up with), slept over my cousins house, excluding me from numerous trips including one to my own vacation home, and moved onto my best friend all behind my back. Pretty wild right?
Competition is truly an illusion and thus a waste of time, but so many women are afflicted with such tendencies. I believe there is room for everyone. But when someone crosses me I no longer tolerate the mistreatment. I forgive them, but without re-entry into my life. I protect my energetic boundaries and due to how ex friendships ended up, I really miss no one who I’ve ended friendships with.
I am done sweeping behavior that in itself is emotionally abusive under the rug. Why are women still under this illusion of competition in 2022? I think it depends on the woman. It relates to how each individual was raised and what values she holds. When you do the inner work to love yourself you are never on shaky ground and jealousy for another woman wont even arise. Granted - this does take work. I am not perfect and like every woman on her self love journey I am sure overcoming jealously, control and competition has been a struggle. But part of spiritual maturity is owning who you are completely - the light and the dark - acknowledge your shadows and taking the responsibility to heal them.
So many women do not take responsibility for their own inner space and this causes energetic pollution in the spaces they inhabit. They spread gossip to elevate their own sense of self when this is actually energetically backtracking their progress entirely. What if we all loved ourselves instead? Then I truly believe these sort of issues would never arise.
I would like to break down some of my experiences in categories. Each level of creative success I reached in my life, I was faced with a new tier of shady girl and personally I am over it. I hope you are too and will choose self love first.
The High School Girls
In High School I had a group of friends, a clique (if you will lol). And we were friends years after high school. We never had drama and it was so loving. As I stepped up into my career more and inevitably had to distance myself - the shade began to rise. I had to work a STUK event during one of the girls baby shower and everything fell apart. Lies and gossip spread. She excluded me from the group chat we had for years and when it came time for our annual holiday brunch - I was left out. My best friend at the time then posted pictures with hashtags saying “married and with kids only” ~ me being the only friend either with no kids or engaged/married. This sort of behavior is based in exclusion, spite and cruelty. It is extremely low frequency and will always return to sender. We should never shame other women for taking their own unconventional paths. When we celebrate women for baby showers and weddings and shame them for launching first company events ~ where is the justice in that? Where is the kindness in that? This only pollutes the energy field of the sender. I quickly blocked those who took part in the exclusion and moved on. If you are faced with a Similar situation I hope you do the same.
The Catty Girl
When I was college I met a friend through my roomie. We were super close and did everything together. She knew my family I introduced her to all of my friends and while not a best friendship, it was comfortable. We went on a. few trips together, but I never liked her vibe when we traveled. On one trip to Miami she lied to me about something stupid and I just had it. I knew I needed to start distancing myself from her energy. The more I did the more vindictive she got. She told my friends that I ended our friendship because I was jealous of her. She hung out with the man I was dating at the time behind my back and said I thought they were messing around. I never thought this but even still - that should never even be a thought that needs to be processed. So I fully ended the friendship. But the strangeness didn’t stop. She continued friendships with people I introduced her to spinning a story that was not even true. I should have ended this friendship in Miami, but I was so passive about boundaries when I was younger. I know better now and I hope you dear reader, can assert boundaries from the jump. When you feel that the energy is off - it almost always is. Trust your gut. I blocked her and moved on with my life with MUCH more peace and bliss.
The Clubhouse Bully
This incident was probably happened a year ago. I was really loving the app Clubhouse and engaged in a few spiritual spaces. At first it was amazing. Connecting with genuinely spiritual driven people and growing. After awhile one woman in the group began to target me. She was much older and in her 50’s. No shade to age. Age is nothing but a number, I am just giving context lol. Anyway - so she targeted me. She targeted many woman. Anyone who made her insecure in the clubhouse room she would block and then lie about it. When you block someone they can no longer see the room and no longer engage in that space of spiritual development. I hardly remember the details now but essentially she bullied me after I stood up for my friend. She somehow ended up getting my number and leaving a hate filled voicemail. It was the craziest yet! After that my boundaries became nonnegotiable! Protect yourselves online! Times are changing and it can get creepy fast!
The Present: My New Vibe Tribe
I think I’ve finally smoked all the snakes out the grass. Haha! I have very aligned and strong friendships with women who support me and the work I am doing for humanity. I actually had a whole conversation with my art assistant Alona last night before posting this. I was able to vent it out and having other women to support your creative process is really top tier. I feel so thankful for the community I have found. I am also thankful for all the genuine women who are in my life who would never even consider drama or jealously because they love themselves so boldly.
Alona and I will be flipping this into a podcast episode soon! Stay tuned!
Thanks for reading!
Love y’all