Self-Understanding: The Key to Collective Alignment
Radical self love allows you to discover yourself and know yourself in a way that is so true and honest, opening up the opportunity for you to love others more fully. Think about it: you can’t fall in love with someone without really KNOWING them. This thought process was made clear to me during my morning walk as I listened to one of my favorite channels on Youtube, Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. She spoke to health and wellness expert Radhi Devlukia Shetty to discuss how to cultivate self-love and why it is necessary. Radhi spoke about her journey being overweight as a child and feeling the pressure of fluctuating social status in school that was based on her peers’ thoughts of her appearance. Radhi admits that her husband, Jay Shetty, was an inspiration to her in finding out how to truly love herself. Jay lived a good portion of his early life as monk, and in his moments of solitude, he was able to find a foundation that allowed him to fully come into himself and create a clear definition of who he is - a definition that is NOT based on others’ opinions of him. Radhi realized that one of the reasons why she and Jay were able to cultivate such a lasting and loving relationship is because of his understanding of who he is that allowed him to open up and become more in tune with Radhi’s emotions and needs.
The same is true for ourselves. So many people are exhausted, depressed, angry, irritable, anxious, and feel like there’s no hope. Maybe it’s because the only definition of ourselves that we know is based on what others think of us: our boss, our peers, our parents, our children, our followers on social media, the list goes on. I can’t count how many times I’ve worried about expectations that others have of me, and it definitely strips away my own feelings about myself and my accomplishments.
But then the question is this: is there a point when radical self-love becomes too close to adornment? This morning I was also focusing on a daily scripture reading (which you may or may not practice, to each their own!), and it made me think about Jesus’ definition of being love and light in the world. In
Matthew 16:24, Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me.”
What does it mean to deny oneself? Well, the opposite I would think is to be self-obsessed and self-absorbed. To worry so much more about your own life and appearance that you forget to love others and share your talents of stewardship with those around you.
From what I’ve learned in my work with our non-profit STUK Designs and my advocacy for a female empowerment organization called I Am That Girl is this: self-love is NOT an obsession with self. It is finding a way to become one with yourself and respect yourself at a level that allows you to be more present in the world. You cannot pour from an empty cup or even one that is half full. The only outcome of that is what so many people are facing right now: exhaustion and despair.
Are you cultivating self-love? If you think this is an area of your life that you could give more attention to, here are some helpful tips to start your own self-love journey:
1- Journal about your thoughts - those about yourself and about others
In the Women of Impact episode, Radhi mentioned that one way she became more aware of herself was by journaling about each situation she faced in which her thoughts didn’t align with how she wanted to feel. She gave the example of complimenting another woman on her hair and thinking to herself, “I wish my hair looked like that”. Because she did NOT want to have that reaction, she would write down the compliment she gave, the negative thought she had to herself, and then make another column about how she wished she would have thought. Over time, writing these thoughts subconsciously changes the way we feel about ourselves.
2- Use a focus timer at work: 25 minutes of work and 5 minutes of rest/self-reflection
Work seems to be an area of our lives where we are most likely to perform for others and forget about ourselves. You can get caught up in the expectations of your boss, bending in front of the computer screen until your eyes are burning. This is no way to treat your body or mind. I started using an app called Focus Timer which dedicates 25 minutes to deep work alternated with 5 minutes of rest. During my rest period, I show myself love by doing a bit of exercise and performing squats, jumping jacks, walking lunges, and a bit of light movement to get my blood flowing. Movement is a way I show myself gratitude for working so hard, but for you this might mean walking outside and being in nature or watching a Youtube video from a channel you enjoy. Do what makes you feel loved during these 5 minutes. Repeat 4 times and the last break will be a longer one of 25 minutes where you might prepare a healthy snack for yourself and drink some water!
3- Call someone who you can be 100% yourself around
You’re probably thinking of this person right now - go ahead, call them up! You know when you talk to that one person and you can say whatever is on your mind? That’s a form of self-love! Having honest conversations opens your heart to your deepest feelings and emotions. It’s a way to connect with another person fully through love and compassion, and it’s also a form of self-love to have a conversation with someone who cares about you and values your opinion. It seems like there’s an idea of self-love that is confined to being completely isolated, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Self-love isn’t just meditating solo in a quiet space. It could be finding someone who respects you on a level that you respect yourself, showing you that your opinions are valid and you deserve to be heard.
Giving yourself the opportunity to discover more deeply your own emotions and opinions allows you to show up for others in life in ways you can’t imagine. Let us know if you used any of these tips for your own self-love practice, or share with us some other ways you show yourself compassion!
Love and light,
Programs Manager,
STUK Girl Madelyn